He said, "I am but one small instrument." Do you remember that?
Greetings, Earthling.
First, this is my blog. Everything I post here is all MINE unless.. otherwise stated. I do not care if you hate or dislike things I post, these are my fuckin' opinions. I don't care. This is an outlet for me to embrace reality and to express my thoughts. So your respect is needed and therefore necessary.

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I am ME
I'd like to think that i'm beyond ordinary. That I do everything in a special way.

Call me Wendy. that would make things easier for the both of us.
I am a pessimist. Sucks to be me.
I love everything Earth-friendly. Anything that unleashes the child in me.
Oh, and I am me.
Your very own prodigy.
I'm feeling high.
I'm eating Nutella.
I'm doing this.

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Beautiful girls, all over the world. :))
Even the best fall down sometimes.
Ice creams and Strawberries.
Smiling just like God was her lover.
You spell love the right way.
Like yeah?
Goodbye sky harbor.
This ain't working out....

Music Here!

It's love that finds you.
Written at Sunday, March 14, 2010 | back to top

 Indeed. And I think.. so far, I've found love in it's cutest form. :3 Say what? Nothing. *grins*

Hello! It's a HOT day, and thanks for making it hotter, baby. :) Hell yeah.

It's a Sunday! :3 Pacquiao day with grams! :D I had to wake up early and I was mad sleepy in the car. We had breakfast at McDo and then I attended mass while gramma waited for the theatres to open since she's the only one who'll watch. Great, now that's just unfair.

So yeah, after Mass, I decided to look for a gift for Honey. After, like, 2 hours of looking, (and my feet were abused, man!) I finally settled in giving her a charm personalized bracelet from Pink Box. It cost me 225 bucks. Darn it. I should've bought that bag in Bench. It costs 220 only. Atleast I saved 5php for cryin' out loud. Anyway, yeah.. I wish she'll like it.

Damn, I found a cute Spongebob T-shirt! I want it. :)) And some Artwork Tshirts too. Gaaack! And oh, this American Boulevard bag. And.. And.. the list goes on and on.

So commercial aside, I went to Starbucks after and chilled there, (literally dude, It was freakin' cold. I can see myself shiver.) for an hour and I can't believe that he was there! And he suprised me! :D

And oh, after that.. We went home na. Bought Go Nuts Donuts! :3 Yum. Will be packing them for tomorrow so I can share it with friends. Sad. Tomorrow's a really emotional day, I bet. We'll be cleaning off our room and I promise I will bring a cam. :)) I am so excited for Wednesday too! You bet I'm stoked.

Finished packing things fer 19. I'm alright. :)

Oh and will I ever forget? Pacquiao won once again! It was an intense fight and I could tell people were really scared because his opponent, Clottey's one hell of a mad man. Booyeah. But Manny's unbeatable. :D

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
He broke his own heart and I watch, as he try to reassemble it.
Written at Friday, March 12, 2010 | back to top

 Thank you Enzo, this is so sweet of you. I love my eyes, by the way. And I still really find the shape of my eyes Weird with a capital W. Weird. Neh.

Anyway, hey blog! I'm sorry if I've missed posting. So NAT's finished now, thank God. But we still have to report to school on Monday because of our clearance. See? We should be exempted from this since we've had enough suffering already. Just imagine two weeks of tests. Dang. My brain's - O_O

So the party's on Wednesday! I simply cannot wait. Last Friday, we visited Paradiso with Honey, Paula and Caryl and it was nice. I find it cool, though it's kind of small. It's enough for me and our visitors and that's okay with me. I just hope everybody can come, you know. That would really be a blast.

I will be reporting to school on Monday with my camera in hand. I'd take a picture of the school and everyone I love in it. Just so you know, leaving is really painful for me but I know i'll soon be able to get over that fact. I wish.. I just have to find reasons to like Cebu and so far, there are tons. My friends will always here and I know that we'll get in touch since grams gave me her laptop now.

It's just.. I'm kind of sad since i'm not going to attend the prom. But that's okay. I'll have my own, right? It's not like i'm not allowed to go to any Promenade, it'll just be with different people I hope I can be friends with. So.. Yeah.

Hey! If you're interested in checking out this news about Villar's not-so-cool stunt and whatnots.. Feel free to do so by clicking this: HERE. You should tell your parents about this hypocrite. I am really sorry if I'm being harsh but I feel like I just have to share this in order to open people's eyes about the truth.

Off to Southmall tomorrow, grams will watch Pacquiao's fight while i'll pick up foods and drinks for Wednesday and maybe chill at Starbucks after while waiting for her. Yeah.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Clearance. :(
Written at Wednesday, March 10, 2010 | back to top

So school's lame. We just had some reviews, though I can't really call it review since I wasn't listening, instead I just fooled around with my friends. Tomorrow's our National Achievement Test, and screw that. Man, because of that, I didn't go to Paramore's concert last night, which was a blast, by the way.

Damn, I am so envious of the people who have seen Hayley headbang in her own cool way. Screw everything else. I was so BV cause of it, but I think I got over it already. They said on the news that Paramore promised to come back here in Manila, and I really wish it'll be after two years so I can be here in Manila again and not in Cebu. Wee. Cheers to that.

After the review, I hung out with Mikee and Dorothy at McDo and maan, I was so full. I loved their new dessert, the one with the raspberry sundae thingy. Cool thing. Anyway, so we saw Jennielly and Nerissa there and they asked us to come with them at Jen's crib to just hang out, that is, if we have nothing else to do after chilling in. So we said yes. After finishing our meals, we talked about everything! From love, to friendship. And I like how I got to open up with them about my real feelings to what's been going on around me.

And then we went to Jen's. It was so cool! :) I like Jen's bedroom. It's filled with Lee Min Ho's posters. Dang, he's hot. So we just hung out again and looked at Jen's photo albums. She's so cute when she was little! :3 talked about girl stuff again. Girl talk, truths revealed. I can't believe there would be people who would ruin you, even though you considered them your friends. Boooo. So.. yeah. :) It was so fun and full of laughs and all and I'm just so happy to hang out with a new circle of people, and I am proud to get to know Jen and Neri a little more. :)

We left 4:30-ish. I went home with Neri and Dot, and moved out of the Jeep to Mcdo, then rode another jeep to our house. And voila. :) I watched some Paramore videos which were from last night and yes, they really rule.

I finished my book report already! Yey. Clearance is hell. Fcck that. FML, i have to do that reaction paper thing in Bio, and compile testpapers for Math. BOOOOOOOOOOO.

- kthat'sallbai. ;D

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Written at Sunday, March 7, 2010 | back to top

I honestly don't know what to do with my life right now.
Fuck you, change.
Written at | back to top

Things really do change, huh?

I really hate how my life's turning out as of now. I can't keep up with all the change of plans and stuff, and the only thing that I can do is to cry. How drastic can change be?

It was as if I've been stabbed in the knife real hard when my grandmother told me not to attend the Farewell party anymore. It never occurred to me that she can be that evil. But yes, she never even considered my feelings and I don't know if she's numb enough to not know that I don't really want to move in the first place. I contained my tears right through my eyes as she drove us to SM. I bit my lips so as to not let the tears fall. But they're tears, and they're destined to fall. And when they did, I immediately wiped them away and acted as if nothing was wrong, though it's really obvious that there is. Proof revealed right through me.

I closed my eyes, and thought about the feeling of dying. I wanted to kill myself really bad. My first option was to hang myself, because that would make things easier. A scene played right into my mind. It would be night time, right after midnight. I would look for a rope and go outside our house. I would smell the night breeze and thank God silently for the life I have borrowed from him. I would say goodbye and would pray for my family, no matter how dysfunctional our family is, because I love them. I would thank my friends for all the good things that they have done to me. I would then look for a tree with the right size, with the right size of branch as well, so that I could hang myself and kill myself in silence. As I breathe my last breath, I would say thank you to all the people who have never failed to inspire me. And then I would close my eyes.

I never really considered cutting my wrist as an option. I've got hematophobia. And I've had enough pain to bear. Cutting my wrist is way more than I can handle.

Overdose? That's actually my first option. Just like what Veronika did, from Veronika Decides To Die. But I don't really want my mother to think that I killed myself because I wanted to be like Veronika, from the book. She read it already and kind of despised the book for it's ending.

So right then, my decision was made. I would hang myself and kill myself to end this agony. But then I thought of everyone. How my death would make even a small change in all of their lives. And I don't want that to happen. So.. Death. Naah.

I wanted to cry that time, I wanted to lock myself to the nearest cubicle and cry my heart out. But I didn't. I tried really hard to not display any sign of weakness, and as a matter of fact, I didn't. My little cousin and I went to the groceries because she wasn't done with her facial whatever-that-is thing. And then after that, I felt like I'm going to burst like a bubble.

The drive back home was silent. I pretended to read The Lovely Bones at the back. I knew then that she tried so hard to think about the appropriate words to say to me. But I really wanted to cry so bad that I was crying like hell while I was reading. It's good to cry once in a while, right? And to think that I really wanted them to believe that I was crying because of what I'm reading. But then again, it's obvious.

So she told me this, we can have a party next Sunday at our house for my despidida, though she never really mentioned anything about celebrating my birthday. I think she had forgotten about it, or it never really slipped her mind. No, I barely care anymore. She told me to invite my close friends, with a slight hesitation in her tone of voice. Great. I know you don't want to do this, and you don't really have to. Because you just don't know how it feels.

And I cried once again. Pain, slowly precipitated right through my eyes. Like a waterfall. 

When we got home, I locked myself and cried in my CR. I blamed God, and told myself he doesn't exist. Because if he does, he should've done something to stop this pain. He should've answered my prayers and should've done something to make me stay. But no, he didn't. I came to the realization that he had other plans for me. But what about my plans for myself? What about the plans that I have been wanting to do before I leave? Does this confusion mean something else? Is this because God's plans and my plans aren't the same? Does he want other plans, that would contradict mine? Does he love me?

..and the answer called.

My daddy called me after I wiped my tears from my tired eyes. He told me he's downstairs, waiting. I dragged myself downstairs and saw him. I can never forget that moment when I hugged my father and told him that I cannot take it anymore. We sat outside and talked about it. I can hardly breathe as I was talking to my father about how unfair life can be. How unfair she can be. I know he understands, and I know he would do everything to lessen the pain. He gave me tons of advice. He told me to just, go with the flow and to just let them say anything they want to say, he told me never to be affected. To never mind them and to just go on with my life. He told me to strive harder next year, to exaggerate in excelling at school. To be on the top, because that will pay off when I get to College.

He told me that he'll do everything to get me into a good college. He would strive too, and be the father I've always wanted to have. Because he loves me that much. And I love him too.

A few minutes after, mom called. She was mad because I was crying and that she told me to stop crying and to knock it off because I have nothing else to do about the matter. Dad was silently furious. My mom was a bit off the hook, and told me I was being maarte and that I was being selfish. I cried real hard. Mom wanted to talk to me, but no, I didn't. I didn't have to hear about another shenanigans she would say. I'm so tired.

My dad got furious. "Yan lang ba sasabihin mo? Tumawag ka lang ba para sabihin yan? Gets na niya, ok? Gets na niya. Oo, Maarte siya." Click. And then I cried while my dad held me.

"Gusto ko ng mamatay." Was all I could say.

"Ano ka ba? wag kang mag-isip ng ganyan. Basta pagbutihin mo pag-aaral mo. I promise you makakabalik ka dito."

And then I found something to hold on to. My father's words.

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Oh baby you left and sailed away alone.
Written at Friday, March 5, 2010 | back to top

Now playing: Solo - Iyaz.
I love teh beat. ;33

Saturday lazy madness. Maaan i'm feeling hungry. and lazy, like.. now. Urgh. I'm even too lazy to check what's in the fridge downstairs. But seriously, my stomach's giving it's daily tantrums. Will you just shut up, lousy tummy?

Gramma's in a good mood today. Didn't even mind telling me to clean my really really really messy room. And when I say really messy, imagine your own room get hit by a maelstrom. Other than that, I can't search for words to describe my utterly messy room. Anyway, she's out, to i-don't-know-where. Blaah.

Oh yeah, she was sooo happy last night because she got into this medical thingy and they're on the news. Mom called from Cebu, told her they saw her on the TV, but only her back. Daang. Haha. Talk about major meltdown. But she's not really pissed about it.

I cleaned my room for three whole hours. Damn, all that sweeping and walking around like a dumbass really paid off. See?


I moved my bed to a totally new direction by myself. Maan, i probably lost some fats after that. Hell. Didn't really think this would be my idea for losing weight. Anyway, I liked how it went. 

16 days to go before my birthday. I've heard somewhere that it's bad to count the days before your birthday cause you wouldn't be able to live til your birthday! Pathetic. ;3

So March 19-25 would be a whole lot of gala. But i'm still not sure. I would really like our sleep over plan to come and pursue. That would be fun, right?

Anyway, we're planning to watch Alice In Wonderland at Festi on Monday. Wanna come, dig with us? :) Holler me. Poof.

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
The past, the love, the memories.
Written at Thursday, March 4, 2010 | back to top

 In front of the PC while studying for TLE. Now tell me, am I a good girl or the other way around? ;3

Heyyyyoooo. AP, Filipino and Business Math earlier. AP was okaaayy, i think? I had some doubts with my answers, same with Filipino. Business Math was the worst. Seriously, anything that involves numbers, it makes me sick. And I really don't know why but I consider numbers as my weakness and enemy.

Math and TLE for tomorrow. See? Math again. Ugh. I'm going to review big time tomorrow morning. Maybe get a tutor or something. Someone who's kind enough and who wouldn't hit me with a rock on my head just because my mind cannot comprehend any of the lessons.

TLE is full of memorization. I think I'm pretty good at that, but only if I really take time in memorizing, which I don't.. Oops.

I just got my hair cut, right? They say I look like Yen. LOL. Francis annoys me to death. And this guy.. Oh, this guy. :(( He's lucky I'm not really vocal and expressive with my feelings or else he'll be dead right now. Right. Dead.

Gramma's mood was nonchalant for the past two days. And now, she's like.. soooo scary again. I really hate how her mood changes. It scares me to deaaattthhh. It's amazing cause I have been living with her for fourteen years and yet I still get scared and I should be used to it na, right?

I stumbled upon some pictures awhile ago. The ones which were old and were taken by oldschool cameras. I was so little back then! And I looked like a doll, for Chrissakes. I also saw a picture of my mom and dad in their wedding, with me stomping butterflies on my mother's stomach since she was six months pregnant (I think?!) that time. Anyway, dad looked so thin and they both looked so happy. I wonder what happened. Guess destiny's a real bitch huh?

I also saw this picture of me under our Christmas tree when I was like 5 or 6. I also remembered how happy I was back then. Ahhh, childhood. It is indeed a kingdom where nobody dies. I got that from Breaking Dawn, by the way. It was an excerpt that came from a book with it's author I have already forgotten. I like laughing my ass off whenever I see my hair so short and with my full bangs. I've always been a full bangs kind of kid. And people always remember me as the kid who would sit for two hours in the dining table, chewing her lunch. Yess, I'm really a pain in the ass when I was a kid.

Sheesh. And now that i'm fourteen, so much has changed! I love eating now, and my bangs is already side-swept. Although I've tried to bring back my full bangs, it doesn't really suit me anymore. My parents are separated and I have a half brother who's really amazing, but sad to say that he's hidden and illegit. That saddens me, by the way.

I'll turn 15 in 18 days. And I guess I'm ready to face a new life ahead. Phew.

Oh, and I really would like to thank THALIA for such a nice gift! I really appreciate the book, The Lovely Bones. And she's the first person to give me a birthday gift this year. She's such a sweet muffin. I love you, Tk. Thank yooo so much. It means a lot to me, if you only know.

The Lovely Bones -- check! One of my birthday wishes has been granted. Hmmmnn.. ;))

I'm off. Have to study nowww. Big time.
May the force be with you.

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Written at Wednesday, March 3, 2010 | back to top


Good evening heavens. What's cookin'?
Exams. Sheesh. Computer and Biology were okay. I took them in a not-so-serious manner. But the last part in Computer which is the sequencing really struck me right in the head. I was.. O_O

Anyway, I got a haircut! ;) Boooo-yeah. I like it. It's a crossbreed between short and not so short and Scene hair. Emo? Naaaah. But I like how it went.

I seriously got nothing else to blog about! I have to review for Business Math. Sht. Business Math, ;(( I loathe it for reaaaaal.

Neh. 19 days people! 19 days more to go and i'm going to be Fifteen. 15 15 15, it's such a big number. Darn. 

I'm out to study. Goodbye, my friend. ;D

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Written at Monday, March 1, 2010 | back to top

 I want to be the girl who he thinks is the cutest. Not necessarily the Hottest, or the Prettiest, but the CUTEST.

Cause Hotness refers to the body, and God knows mine isn't perfect.
Pretty refers to the face, and I know plenty of girls are prettier than me.

But Cuteness refers to every imperfection he loves. Every weird little habit. The funny things that make me different from other girls he could have. Like how I have a dorky laugh or why I can't watch gory movies.

All of the things he notices and adores. I want to be that girl.

- Quote from Abby. :3

I dig this quote so much. And I want to be the cutest girl he'll ever lay his eyes on. I just wish there wouldn't be anyone else in this soon-to-be two years that we're going to be far apart. *sighs

Ohh. my day's fine. Same old boring stuff. NAT is really freaking everyone out. After the flag ceremony, T.Tessa gave the Juniors a recognition again for being the topnotcher for the previous NAT held last year. And thanks to that, we're in real pressure right now. Bummer.

Perio's on March 3rd. And then NAT week after. Boo. I have to remind myself to take vitamins because this is going to be one heck of a month. I love and hate March. ;D

I can't believe 9 whole months passed by like a gust of wind! It's been so fast, and a lot of things happened. And I really can't believe i'll get older again in 21 days. I am excited, by the way.

We decided to have a triple celebration. Me, Paula and Honey's birthday. I love it. :3 Triple the fun! Boohoo. I'll try to not think about it cause i'll get distracted.

I really want to receive something cool for my birthday. Like a necklace or something. Something that can be treasured forever. -- or in just two years. I have to remind myself to buy a scrapbook too for my last days. :3

So Kevin, Rodel and I were talking about our College lives earlier. Excited much? We all want to attend to the same university which is.. UP. I really wish gramma's plan to buy a condo unit near Macapagal would pursue. I want it so badly. There's no problem with my course, since gramma and I kind of discussed about it already. I will be taking Mass Communications because I believe that I can be passionate about it. And in order to be successful you have to have passion in whatever you're doing, right?

It's March 1, Gian's birthday. Happy birthday! :3

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.