He said, "I am but one small instrument." Do you remember that?
Greetings, Earthling.
First, this is my blog. Everything I post here is all MINE unless.. otherwise stated. I do not care if you hate or dislike things I post, these are my fuckin' opinions. I don't care. This is an outlet for me to embrace reality and to express my thoughts. So your respect is needed and therefore necessary.

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I am ME
I'd like to think that i'm beyond ordinary. That I do everything in a special way.

Call me Wendy. that would make things easier for the both of us.
I am a pessimist. Sucks to be me.
I love everything Earth-friendly. Anything that unleashes the child in me.
Oh, and I am me.
Your very own prodigy.
I'm feeling high.
I'm eating Nutella.
I'm doing this.

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Beautiful girls, all over the world. :))
Even the best fall down sometimes.
Ice creams and Strawberries.
Smiling just like God was her lover.
You spell love the right way.
Like yeah?
Goodbye sky harbor.
This ain't working out....

Music Here!

Vanilla Twilight.
Written at Sunday, November 29, 2009 | back to top

I'll watch the night turn into blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Cause it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers,
Are right where yours fit perfectly,

- Vanilla Twilight <3

Lovin' the song. :)

Hey ya'll! Sorry ferr not updating. Tough days, I suppose. But I'm still alive and that's what matters.

Had my heart broken again. Cried. Really. I don't know. But I can take care of myself.

Just that.. It's really been tough, you know? And the thought of ending things by commiting suicide entered my mind again. I know it's wrong and you might think that i'm a pathetic fart for saying and thinking about these things but.. I just can't help it. I think that dying spells happiness and eternal bliss. Or not?

I just need someone to bring back the life I once loved.
I just want to be needed, loved and cared. Lately, life has been very unfair.. Things aren't going my way again and that's just hard. But my faith in God will save me. I know it will.


Okay, it has been a boring 3 day vacation. Blaaaaaaaaaaah. I want quotes, ice cream, chocolates, Starbucks, Dairy Queen and Pizza. Bummer. I'm starving.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Written at Thursday, November 26, 2009 | back to top

Lalalurrrrveee. :)

Haven't blogged for days. My apologies. It's just that I'm feeling lazy to use the pc. My phone's all hot because of all the calling and stuff. Ya get what i'm saying? Haha.

ELA week's still on going. Pretty good, all in all. Watched the Freshies. They were really good. Tk's pretty when she played Cinderella. I bet the damn guy who broke her heart probably had a feeling of slight regret when he saw her. Well he must be. Haha. Seth told me about that. LOL. Roentgen won, as usual. HAHA. They always win over Dalton and the other sections.. I just noticed. Even before, when I was still a freshie. They like.. legendary or something. But of course! DALTON 0809 is still the best ferrr me. :P

Our play was kind of a blaaah. LOL. Pumalya. Had some technical problems so we weren't able to like.. give our 100% but I swear, we all tried. I did my best in doing my part. And it felt good, actually. I wore this really cute pink and black gown. HAHA. I was sooo flattered. They were like.. "Aww, ganda mo." Damn it. I should wear this more often, =P Nyahaha. No, I'm totally kidding.

We didn't win, okay? Aris did. Well they deserve it. I was slack-jawed by their play. Twas really amazing. And they deserve all the glory. :) No hard feelings with that. Kinda bit disappointed though. But of course, it's inevitable.

Anyway, there's still Palaro, right? OMG. Palaro. :( Damn. I hafta die before Palaro. LOL. Mister and Miss Palaro's coming naaaa! I don't know what to do. Omo. -_____-

Haven't watched the Juniors. But Einstein won. That's pretty cool. I bet they deserve it. But I really wanted to see Bes' (Ate Dothy // Curie's) presentation. And Franklin and Newton too. I watched Franklin's play during their general rehearsal and it was really cool.

We watched the Seniors today. Twas cool. I loved all of their presentations. Pascal won. Their Mama Mia was really an excellent choice. I love the acting and stuff. Like it to death. HAHA. Anyhooo, I like Grease too and Hairspray. I don't know what happened to the Phantom Of The Opera. I wasn't exactly listening that much.. But I know they did their best. :)) Anyway, that's part of every competition.

HAHA. Been calling Seth for days. He's hotness. LOL. Whatever? Niaaway niya kooo. HAHA. FUCKyut? Tev. IDK, will call him later again. Haha.

Awww, it's really sad.. Earl's (my baby kaservice) mother passed away yesterday ata or last monday? Twas really sad. Her mom commited suicide. And to think it's Kyla's birthday today. I wonder what it feels like to have no mother. It must be really painful. We visited them and we had our bonding moments too with all my kaservice. Hayyy. It's really sad.

Anyway, tomorrow's our culminating activity. Tralalaaaa! :D
Goodluck to all of the people who will present. Break a leg! ;))

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Drama's present, happiness is too. But where are you?
Written at Saturday, November 21, 2009 | back to top

Nyieee, sorry for not blogging that much. Been really busy with stuff. I still love you, my dear blog. Keep that in mind. And pleaaase.. love me back? Cause no one does. LOL. EMO! Fccck it.

Friday was a tiring day. Fuggggg it, sooo tiring. But fun too. Did most of the props. Our teachers were so generous, for giving their time alloted for their subjects just to finish our props. Thank you, Sir Robert, Sir Marvin, Teacher Michelle, and.. I forgot the rest. Thank you loads. :)

Painted. Had paint all over my PE uniform. I looked like "dugyot" but that's okay. If it's for Mendel naman, i'm so up for it. :) James (Bainco) lend me his sando cause I asked for it. But he told me na sa'kin na lang daw. He said, "Ingatan mo yan ah. Yan lagi kong ginagamit pag nagttraining. :)" And I was like.. Thank you very much! I wrote something in green paint all over it. It says Wendy (heart) Grench . Grench told me to do it. I'll put Mikee's name at the back too. They're one of my greatest friends kasi. They witnessed all my sufferings and all that crap and I couldn't thank them enough. So.. yeah.

Painted again. Chatted with classmates, laughed -- mostly, like what I always do. And I've seen him quite a lot that day and it bugged me. Damn it. I hate him already. He told me, di niya ako iiwan, but why is he treating me like this? No more sweetness and stuff. It sickens me. Anyway... Before any of this happened, Wilson and I had our jamming again. He played the guitar and I sang. He's a funny guy. Daaang it. Haha.

Oh, I got a 12/20 in the quiz in Math. :(( I almost cried. I had pretty good scores in the previous quizzes, why this? But I just smiled like nothing happened, as always. One more point... One more. Damn it.

"Kunware badtrip ako ah. Wag niyo ko papatawanin."
-- I told them. LOL. I felt like gusto ko mabadtrip that time.
But i'm the kind of girl kasi
who would always smile even if she's carrying the weight of the world
in her shoulders.

Friday Night: With dad.

I hate Tina Diaz for closing her dress shop when it's not even 8pm. I could've rented the gown Caryl and Paula were talking about. Uggh. Anyhow, it's still fine with me, though. I love the gown dad and I rented. It had a small petticoat in it. And it's pink and black. Yeaaah! :) Pretty cool.

Dad told me this "Photo Finish" thing. The one wherein you have to push your luck to the limit. Like.. Ugh, it's hard to explain but he made me laugh that time. Dad always makes me laugh.

We ate ice cream at the Ministop and just talked about everything. :)

But of course, there would always be drama, right? It's inevitable. And.. well, some secrets were revealed. And I don't know if it's a happy thing or not but.. I just.. You know, It was really painful. My heart was almost crushed but at the same time I felt like everything's going to be okay. There was a hole in my chest. But that one secret could always heal it altogether. I have a 1 year old baby brother. Yes. And I didn't know about it until dad told me. It was pretty painful, because he was hiding something so precious like that.. But if I were in his shoes, I would totally understand. :)

Anyhooooooo, Yep. So that's pretty much it. Bought Chupa-chups for myself too. I love chupa chups especially the Strawberry-Yogurt flavor. So sugarish and yummy. :D

Play play play. Play's on Tuesday. I am so nervous. Dugdug, dugdug. I'm thinking positive but of course, we can never avoid thinking negative, right? Goodluck to my First Year friends who will be having their play on Monday! :)

Tk, you'll do good as Cinderella. XD
Abby, I know you're a great dancer, you have to feel agitated to be able to believe in yourself. Think positive my little pretties, kayy? :) Ate Wendy's going to cheer for you.

Ate Wendy. OMG, I can't believe I'm an ate na talaga. :) Quite shocking. I'll meet my baby bro tomorrow (I think?) Because it's his birthday! Too bad I don't have a gift. I wanna see him na, and take pictures of him. I want to be the best ate for him. :))

Shhhh, people here in the house doesn't know about that yet. Like, mom and gramma and all of them. So.. yeah. We'll keep this big secret, okay?

What else is there? I guess that's pretty much everything about my Friday.

Saturdayyyy is New Moon and Card day. :D

Went to my school with mom to get my card. I am sooo in love with it that I want to photocopy it and frame it in my room. Two more points in my average and I'm gonna be a bronze awardee na. Whew, strive more. :D I can do this. I know. :))

Commuted with mom. Went to SM Molino to watch New Moon. All I can say is.. Carlisle is still so freakin' hot. And Edward's as sweet as me, LOL. Fugg it, love the movie compared to Twilight. Twilight's so... underrated. LOL. No offense. Anyway, so yeah.. Jacob with the short hair is HOT. Rosalie's still inhumanly beautiful as described in the book. I love it, all in all. Just that.. It was so bitin. HAHAHA.

Bought Candy, November issue with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson on the cover. Rob Pattz is haaawt. Nyahaa.

Whew, still can't get my mind off the play. The Wizard Of Oz will be a blast. It will be, I promise you that.

"I'm Glindaaa!" Haha Argie's soo epic, he's imitating my character as the good witch of the north. Hahaha. :">

We're off to see the Wizard,
the wonderful wizard of oz...

I just want you to feel me, be with me. :((

-wendyboobs <- Paula's all behind that. HAHA. *evil grin*

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Where can my baby be?
Written at Thursday, November 19, 2009 | back to top

Last Song Syndrome with the song, Last Kiss by Pearl Jam. :))

Oh where Oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me,
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world,

Nyahaha. I don't know, I've known this song like my whole life but this is the only time where in I really came close with the lyrics and it's just too cute. HAHA.

Okaaay, so Kuya Clyde's a real wimp. LOL. But he makes me laugh so I can manage. :)

Today is Thursday. TRALALALALA. :)) Crazy day, just as any of the days with Mendel. Argie and Marc were so funny when we had our practice. They kept on imitating the characters. Heck, maaan. :]] LOL.

Okay, so everything went well today. Sir Robert was absent. I don't know if that's cool or not cause he's actually one of the funniest teachers everrr. LOL. IDK, I like his teaching style and we're pretty close. I mean.. I'm comfortable with him.

Sir Ronnie told us his love story because Jeremy asked him about it. I was really dozy during CLVE time but when Jeremy asked me that, the class actually fell silent. I was like.. O_O Okayy, what's happening? But yeah, pretty cool. :) He shared some of his secrets. Cooool.

OMGOMG, Faggggg it. 5 days more to go before the play. The play! OMG. I have to run into my lines once again because I don't want to suck right then and there. Ugh.. When I typed the word "Again", I mistyped it and a name appeared. LOL.

Chatted with Marko (Pinirito) Kuya Tabz, and Jen Riel (Boss). All boys? :)) HAHA. And currently chatting with Regil.. and Enzo. Fixed things with him na. We're friends, and I'm totally fine with that.

Anyhooo, I'm feeling a little gloomy over this situation I'm currently in. It's just too sad to wait for someone who has a complex mind. I can't even guarantee if he still feels the same for me. But I'm still holding on to the words he told and promised me.

"Hindi ako mawawala. Promise."

I don't wanna be stupid all over again. But he's just totally deceiving. I hate seeing him. It makes my knees go weak. Grrrr. In love much? NO, okay? :D

I saw TK's blog and it's good to know that she liked my new poem entitled: 11.16.09. I made that last night, when I had nothing to do. My mom was laughing at me because she told me that I looked like an addict. LOL. I always do, right? Anyway, here's the link: 11.16.09

I want to have a wishlist ferr this Christmas too. :) Waaaa. I want to share it with ye, and I'm hoping you would grant it. Pleaaaaaaase? :))

HAHA. Okayyy, so here's my top 5 list.

The fifth in my list would be these kind of ice creams from Dairy Queen. YEYYY :)) I deserve these, I sweaaar. The Banana Split looks yummy ferreal. I'm hungry. Damn.

Fourth is Hayley Williams' dress. Darn, I just love her. The dress doesn't have a full view, sorry ferr that. I can't seem to find any. But Google's still my bestfriend. :)

Third would be an Ipod Touch. LOL. This seems cute, and very convenient too. I'd love to have one. NYAHAHAHA. :)) Though I still wouldn't forget about my 8gb Transcend Mp3 player and of course.. Teh amazing laptop. :DD

Second would be a green laptop! Daaaaaaaang it, If I could just revamp my laptop and choose a green color as it's outer skin, I would soo die ferrr it. I'm loving green, :) And this green notebook looks cute o. :D
And my first? Of course..

Everybody knows I love Paramore, right? I would sell my body ferr this! HAHA. Kidding. It's just that.. This is so cool. I wanna have one. Gaaaa. O_______O I really, really want one. Demm eeeet. Nyahahaaa. Santa, I've been a nice girl naman e, could you just grant this? Kahit ito lang? Pleaaaaase? *falls down on her knees*


Added on my wishlist is ELMO MAGALONA in a box with a green ribbon in it. He's my latest crusssh. Charming guy. WAHAHAHA. Search him in Google. ^___^

Will watch New Moon tomorrow. And imma pick my gown tomorrow too. :) Goodnight, everyone. Hafta wash my P.E pa. LOL.

Goodnight, universe.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Now I finally know what wrong is.
Written at Wednesday, November 18, 2009 | back to top

Everytime I think of you,
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue,
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find,
Living a life that I can't leave behind,

- Bizarre Love Triangle.

Ooh darn. Pretty tiring day. Today was our general rehearsal. Good thing it went well. T.Beth was impressed yet she still gave us comments that would really help us this coming Tuesday. OMG, Tuesday is fast approaching! Holy cow. Daamn it. I am sooo nervous. Imma freak out. Meow. Ugh.

Anyway.. It's a normal day. We followed the Shortened schedule, and all the subjects went by so fast. Haha, silly. Of course it would! :) Shortened nga e. Ang gago mo wendaang.

Mom told me yesterday that she'll be the one to do my make up in the play, and she'll watch too. I can't help but think... I mean, dad's going to be there too. That would be pretty awkward, right? Haha. LOL. :)) if they truly love me that they would get pass the awkwardness. :D Or.. tev.

I loathe him for being so insensitive. Why can't you see? Can't you feel a thing? Damn it. Die now. Oh wait, don't.. Can't deal with that if you will. Anyhoo, you're still insensitive. Daaarn.

Had pretty intense convo's with Enzo at Plurk. IDK, i don't want to talk about it. It feels.. O_O I hate thinking about it, inaako niya lahat when in fact it was all my fault naman. Urrrgh.

Bianca's to the rescue. Good thing. I wanna cry. ARRRGH. Imma cry tomorrow with Max and Pau and Caryl. They're the best.

I made a poem and I think.. I just think.. It sounds nice. I'm going to post it tomorrow. I'm in the mood to do some literary works now. I just noticed, whenever I get heartbroken and stuff, it makes me want to write. I think maybe writing's my therapy.. My sedative or something. I don't know, it lessens the pain e.

I don't want to fall for a guy who's not willing to catch me. Tralalala.

Anywaaaaaay, AGAIN! HAHAHA. Go Mendeeel! I love my section ferreal. <3 Good thing, diba? They're always there whenever I'm down.

Woo Geezzz, malapit na. :(( Hayy.

It's 5 minutes before 11pm. I'm going to sleep now. I'll make sabog tomorrow na lang. I really need this e. Whew.

Goodnight, World x_x


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Oh c'mon. This isn't hard.
Written at Tuesday, November 17, 2009 | back to top

Hey yo.

Wow, i'm so early. HAHA. General rehearsal todayyy! Damn it.

Okay so it's 6 days more to go before the day of reckoning, and I am sooo nervous. Negative things are going through my mind. And yes, I am a pessimist. Even Sir Glenn told me that. LOL.

Anyway, I like doing a lot of stuff right now. It makes me busy, and thus.. I'm not thinking of the things that keeps on hurting me. I painted our background... I did a lot of stuff. I ate -- mostly. Chocolatessss! Haha. Now this is what we call breaking up. Chocolates. Chocolates and more chocolates.

Anyhoo, I'm still craving for Dairy Queen's Strawberry Sundaeee! Arggh. I can't get it out of my mind. Ooops. My stomach just growled. Haven't had breakfast yet. Who knows, my stomach could be the next hottest metal vocalist ever. LOL. Okayyy, so you're dumb if you didn't get the inside joke in that.

Arrrgh. I love you, DQ. But of course nothing beats my first love... Starbucks. :))

I was soo pissed off last night. I don't want to talk to him, everr. After the break up, I felt like everything was falling exactly into place. And now what? I don't want to hear any word from him about me and his "friend" again. Fccck it.

Texted with Kimmie Unni. I miss her loads. I told her about the break up, and I told her my real feelings. I said that.. It was really painful. And she said that it's natural lang naman daw, kasi I loved him e. That is sooo true. Whew. Pero.. tama na. Yoko na din talaga e.

And being single's kind of.. A really good thing. HAHA. I mean, I could be with my guy friends without having to worry if he's gonna get angry or jealous or what. And the guy I told you i'm "in love" with? Naaah. He's been cold. Not really cold, but kind of weird when we texted last night. HAHA. Sanay naman na ako. :)

I don't really expect na he'll catch me. Or what. I can soo totally take care of myself. :))

NYAHAHAHAHA. Yesterday was really fun. I was laughing my ass off because of Argie, and my seatmate Kevin.. LOL. :DD

Oops. Sun's here again. Fifteen minutes more before my service arrives. See ya later, then?


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Wala na po.
Written at Monday, November 16, 2009 | back to top

This is my 90th post. It's kind of late right now, considering the fact that i'm still awake. I don't know. Marami kasi akong iniisip.

Wala na kami.

Ewan. Yeah. Yep. Oo. Single ulit ang lola mo. Single at hindi handang saluhin. Wala. Waiting in vain. Mag-isa.

I am sooo going to miss Enzo. For real. Pero, it's much better na lang siguro to keep things like this kaysa naman patuloy naming masaktan ang isa't isa. Right, babe?

Yun. Mahirap nga. Siyempre. There would be people na magsasalita. Mag-iingay at gagawa ng kwento. Kesyo tanga kasi ako, kesyo blahblah. Something like that. I mean.. I barely care. I don't really care. Hindi naman nila alam kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Masakit. Ang sakit sakit. Ang sakit mawalay sa kanya. Pero kailangan. Kasi.. hindi na tama.

Kasi sa bawat pagsasama namin, alam kong may mali. Kasi mali lahat. And the only way to keep things right is yun, if we end it, right then and there.

I will move on, I swear. I will love him still, pero I know.. Kung kami talaga, kami talaga. Diba? Ayoko na kasi masyado mag-iiyak. Pero I did cry. Wasn't expecting it, either. It was a bit frustrating. Pero.. Ayun, ganun talaga e. Hindi ba?

November 16th. Mark your calendars.

I was able to talk with Shii pa nga. Good thing I have a very helpful (ano daw?) ex. Angel Reggie texted too. And dude. Ayuun, nag-open up ako. Twas really hard. Pero.. Ganun talaga. I needed time to breathe.

And if you're reading this. Again, I'm really sorry. I love you so much. And I'll be happy. :)

Alam ko namang para saming dalawa rin to. Nahihirapan na siya. Ako rin. Tama na muna, diba?


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Go greeen!
Written at Saturday, November 14, 2009 | back to top

Whew! My apologiesss!

Been absent for daysss. LOL. Sorry sorry sorry sorry. HAHAHA.

Anyway.. I'm sooo in the mood to recall my weekend. WHOLE weekend.

Saturday was "making-the-props-day". I felt so productive and useful that day. I kind of arrived late at school, cause they were all there already. We made props and it was really hot. It was sooo fun! Only most of them left before 1. I was there the whole day, with Honey and Max and who else? Max and I called Paula so that she could make habol because of course, it'll never be the same without my dear bestfriend, right?

So we painted the big background for Emerald City and it was tons of fun. I grew tired and wasted but I didn't really gave a damn that time, for all I knew was.. I had to make a way to finish it. There was paint all over my hands and it looked like shit. LOL. HAHA.

Saturday was BOBO day too. HAHA. Ask my friend Caitlin, she rules. <3 Nyahahaha. To sum it all up, I had a really fun Saturday. :)) We even bonded with Sir Glenn and his son which is really cute, btw.

SUNDAYYYY is Pacquiao day. LOL.

Been to Southmall with gramma. She watched the fight in the big screen without me. Boooo. Haha, but I'm kind of used to it already, cause this is like a tradition to us na. Everytime Pacquiao would have a fight, gramma would always drag me to Southmall so that she could watch it. And what about me? I'm just like.. strolling all over Southmall like a big bum and it's always been tiring. I wore shorts and people were like.. all over me or what. Hell.

We had our breakfast at Mcdo. Nyahaha. I sooo love their Pancakes. Delish! :))

Anyway, I attended the mass there and the Priest's sermon was about the End of the world. Gee, 2012 much? Niyahahah. I really wanna watch that film, btw.

After that.. She gave me money so that I could buy my gramps medicine. I did. And then I was planning on chilling at Starbucks but it didn't push through cause there were so many people there. Daaaaaamn. So I just bought Dairy Queen's Ice cream. Strawberrryyy! Yey. Yummyy. But I'm still kind of disappointed though. I was really craving for Green Tea or Java Chip that time. Oh well..

So I just strolled and strolled and went to NBS to buy some pens because I really need one. Kevin, my new seatmate's annoyed na cause I always borrow from him. Well I wouldn't say that he's really annoyed.. just that... I really like making fun of him. LOL. Anyway.. So I bought this really cute, green watch too. Greeeeen! Yeeey. HAHA.

And then my phone went dead and I was like.. O_O Urgh. Teverrrr. I was a late receiver by the way.

I had my eye on this Artwork shirt and I think I'm going to buy it for myself as a Christmas gift. It's green too. LOL. Or maybe a pair of chucks? -- again? LOL. Agaaaain. Deeyym. I never get tired.

Anyhooooo.. So I'm kind of psyched because New Moon's sooo near already. I will treat my kuya, rawwwr. Hell. HAHAHA. Or maybe I could go and watch it with Caryl and my friends since it's her birthday naman din. Nyahaha.

That's all ferr now. I'm smelling food again. Yeaaah.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Self-empowering? Haha. Too profound.
Written at Tuesday, November 10, 2009 | back to top

Well hello there!

It's been ages since I last posted on this really self-empowering blog of mine. Self-empowering? Yep, in the sense that it lessens the burden because I finally have the chance to say my innermost feelings and all that drama that's been going on.

Things at home? No progress at all. But I wouldn't say that it's worse. It probably got better but I'm still avoiding my grandmother for real. I think it's for the best. So... yeah. But I can manage, I guess. Best thing to do is to ignoreeee.

It's 5:37 on the dot. HAHA, pretty early. Woke up at exactly 4:40 and took a bath after. Oh btw, I got my phone back! Yipee. I miss this phone. Nyahaha. I just wish it wouldn't turn into it's old "nasisira bigla" self again. Just like what Seth says.. Hardcore daw ako gumamit ng cell. Nyaha.

Anyway, hmmm.. About our play? It's so damn okay. Hey that rhymes! LOL. Yeah, finished with the polishing and stuff and we're doing the props now. I am so psyched. Imma play beatbox cause we're going to record a song for the finale. Well atleast that's what I think... Haha. Or.. Yeah. Tev.

I'm really in the mood right now. I don't know why. But maybe I should feel sad. I'm still a late receiver, thanks to Globe.. and I can't text someone normally. Like I would send a message and he'll get it probably several minutes after. The heck. And he's not unli yesterday when I got unli, so... Yun. I really miss... YEAAAH NYAHAHAHA.

I think I already have a gown for the play. It costs 1k - rent. Talked to dad about it and we'll see if we'll get it. Paula and Caryl said it's a nice gown. With a petticoat underneath. Cool.

Ugh.. Sun's here. I think my service will be here in any minute and I haven't even eaten yet. Tataaa! Until here.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
I want to die.
Written at Friday, November 6, 2009 | back to top

Blogging again. And now I'm crying.
And no, I mean it... I am crying while typing this. The keyboard's blurring out as tears start to flow in my eyes. :(

I want to die.

No, really. I want to die. God please take me away. Please. I want to be with you. I want to be gone. It's either suicide, or running away.

Too much burden inside of me. I can't control it now, it doesn't feel healthy anymore. I really pity myself because of this. I don't want people to see me this way but I guess I can't hide it anymore. I'm crying, still trying to understand everything... Yet I can't.

Lord, I need your wisdom for me to understand this. :((

I know there are lots of problems to deal with right now. But it's just that... I don't get it at all. :|| I don't get why they have to be so unreasonable and stuff. I don't get why people have to really be hurt just to see what it's like. Speaks from experience.

God take me away. I can't... stand this anymore. I feel like dying. YES. I am being too emotional but I don't give a fck of what you think because it won't really matter anymore. I am the only one who's in hold of my feelings and If you're in my shoes then you would feel the same too.

I just.... wanna die. Please.

It's suicide, or running away.

Wish me luck in picking the right option. :|

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
Everything's going to be fine, in time.
Written at | back to top

Things at home aren't still turning out the way I want it to be. A total chaos, and I'm so tired of it. I don't like staying at home, to be honest. I don't like seeing these kind of people who never even considered my feelings even for just a fraction of a second. It really feels unhealthy, if you ask me.

Anyway, even though it's not working out, I'd still have to hold on to this little hope that says that everything will be fine. Yet I still want to cry. I never knew that this can be so much painful. I am so tired of pain.

Good thing that things at school are okay. More than okay, actually. I'm loving my grades. My exam in Math's a blessing. I got a 90%. Imagine that? Whew. And Sir Reymer already announced our grade in the card and good thing my grade (88) retained. Most of my classmates were devastated by the result. I call these the "other" side of the blessings. :)

I really promise to make it up to this quarter. I really want to be an awardee cause maybe that's my only hope to finally convince them to stay. I hope so.

November 4 - Our third monthsary.

He gave me Paramore's new album, "Brand New Eyes". It was epic. I really thank him, cause i've been dying to have that. Well atleast God gave me a super nice boyfriend. I couldn't thank the Guy enough for giving me someone like him. It's truly a blessing.

Yet I somehow.. I'm feeling... A little bit guilty? - again.

iono. It feels that way. I'm doing something wrong, yet it feels so much right. :| Argh. Change topic. Mwuahahaha.

Things with my friends are great too, I guess. No major problems, And I still love my friends for always being there. I had this pasa in my left knee cause Kuya Seph closed the door when I was running towards it, and boom... You get the picture na. Nag-collide kami ng pintuan. Ouch.

Whew. That's it. I just wanted to let you know that i'm still alive after a long time of abandoning this blog. I am soooo... what word is that again? melancholic.

Life.. Life is never fair.

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.
I dread goodbyes.
Written at Monday, November 2, 2009 | back to top

Just thinking of the thought of leaving makes me sick. It's so painful to even think about it. I'm still not ready to be separated with my friends. With everyone here. Sure, Cebu's a nice place, with nice people, and nice stuff... and whatever. I still don't wanna move there. It aches my heart.

Just because things won't turn out their way, doesn't mean I have to suffer, right? Okay.. so i'm being selfish again. I know it's pretty hard to make ends meet now because seriously... things change. But then again, I just want to be with the people I love and that's all. :( Is that too hard to understand? I don't wanna move to Cebu! God damn it.

I'm going to pray hard, every single day of my existence, to pray for this.. To let God know how much love I have for everyone here, and that I don't really wanna move, because i'm still not ready to face a new entity ahead of me.

I'm not good with change, actually. I'm not used to adjusting to a new environment, believe me. I suck most of the time. And I don't want to make myself believe everything's going to be fine when in fact, it's soo damn obvious that i'm slowly losing. And I really don't want that. I've had enough drama lately, and what more could go wrong?

I hate how things are turning out, to be honest.. And I still like to tell myself there's still hope, and that i'm holding on to whatever's there, but no... It's still not the same. I need strength, and wisdom, dear Lord. If you're hearing me now. I know you're the only one who could help me. And I'm asking you this because you know how much i'm hurt, and I know you're the only who could heal this pain I have in my heart.

I wish everything's going to be okay, and I wish things will fall into the right place, at the right time. Hopefully.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.