Just thinking of the thought of
leaving makes me sick. It's so painful to even think about it. I'm still not ready to be separated with my friends. With everyone here. Sure, Cebu's a nice place, with nice people, and nice stuff... and whatever. I still don't wanna move there. It aches my heart.
Just because things won't turn out their way, doesn't mean I have to suffer, right? Okay.. so i'm being selfish again. I know it's pretty hard to make ends meet now because seriously... things change. But then again, I just want to be with the people I love and that's all. :( Is that too hard to understand? I don't wanna move to Cebu! God damn it.
I'm going to pray hard, every single day of my existence, to pray for this.. To let God know how much love I have for everyone here, and that I don't really wanna move, because i'm still not ready to face a new entity ahead of me.
I'm not good with change, actually. I'm not used to adjusting to a new environment, believe me. I suck most of the time. And I don't want to make myself believe everything's going to be fine when in fact, it's soo damn obvious that i'm slowly losing. And I really don't want that. I've had enough drama lately, and what more could go wrong?
I hate how things are turning out, to be honest.. And I still like to tell myself there's still hope, and that i'm holding on to whatever's there, but no... It's still not the same. I need strength, and wisdom, dear Lord. If you're hearing me now. I know you're the only one who could help me. And I'm asking you this because you know how much i'm hurt, and I know you're the only who could heal this pain I have in my heart.
I wish everything's going to be okay, and I wish things will fall into the right place, at the right time. Hopefully.
-wendy-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.