Holla, I like to be called Wendy.

My true name's the fourth day we encounter every week. :)
I like green - a lot. I love to go to Paris someday and eat a lot of cheese.
Or maybe go to Italy.

I want to start a band, and tour all over the world, with nothing but my music in my heart. ;)
Oh, and I really want to be a part of a Mafia Organization too. Haha. :D
I could be the weirdest girl you'll ever meet, but i'm nice - for the most part. :)
I'm fourteen and I believe i'm still youngin'.
I do not like labels and to be called shitty names.
I'm very much in love, and can also be easily deceived. XD

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Well hello there!

It's been ages since I last posted on this really self-empowering blog of mine. Self-empowering? Yep, in the sense that it lessens the burden because I finally have the chance to say my innermost feelings and all that drama that's been going on.

Things at home? No progress at all. But I wouldn't say that it's worse. It probably got better but I'm still avoiding my grandmother for real. I think it's for the best. So... yeah. But I can manage, I guess. Best thing to do is to ignoreeee.

It's 5:37 on the dot. HAHA, pretty early. Woke up at exactly 4:40 and took a bath after. Oh btw, I got my phone back! Yipee. I miss this phone. Nyahaha. I just wish it wouldn't turn into it's old "nasisira bigla" self again. Just like what Seth says.. Hardcore daw ako gumamit ng cell. Nyaha.

Anyway, hmmm.. About our play? It's so damn okay. Hey that rhymes! LOL. Yeah, finished with the polishing and stuff and we're doing the props now. I am so psyched. Imma play beatbox cause we're going to record a song for the finale. Well atleast that's what I think... Haha. Or.. Yeah. Tev.

I'm really in the mood right now. I don't know why. But maybe I should feel sad. I'm still a late receiver, thanks to Globe.. and I can't text someone normally. Like I would send a message and he'll get it probably several minutes after. The heck. And he's not unli yesterday when I got unli, so... Yun. I really miss... YEAAAH NYAHAHAHA.

I think I already have a gown for the play. It costs 1k - rent. Talked to dad about it and we'll see if we'll get it. Paula and Caryl said it's a nice gown. With a petticoat underneath. Cool.

Ugh.. Sun's here. I think my service will be here in any minute and I haven't even eaten yet. Tataaa! Until here.

-wendy.

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.

Blogging again. And now I'm crying.
And no, I mean it... I am crying while typing this. The keyboard's blurring out as tears start to flow in my eyes. :(

I want to die.

No, really. I want to die. God please take me away. Please. I want to be with you. I want to be gone. It's either suicide, or running away.

Too much burden inside of me. I can't control it now, it doesn't feel healthy anymore. I really pity myself because of this. I don't want people to see me this way but I guess I can't hide it anymore. I'm crying, still trying to understand everything... Yet I can't.

Lord, I need your wisdom for me to understand this. :((

I know there are lots of problems to deal with right now. But it's just that... I don't get it at all. :|| I don't get why they have to be so unreasonable and stuff. I don't get why people have to really be hurt just to see what it's like. Speaks from experience.

God take me away. I can't... stand this anymore. I feel like dying. YES. I am being too emotional but I don't give a fck of what you think because it won't really matter anymore. I am the only one who's in hold of my feelings and If you're in my shoes then you would feel the same too.

I just.... wanna die. Please.

It's suicide, or running away.

Wish me luck in picking the right option. :|


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.

Things at home aren't still turning out the way I want it to be. A total chaos, and I'm so tired of it. I don't like staying at home, to be honest. I don't like seeing these kind of people who never even considered my feelings even for just a fraction of a second. It really feels unhealthy, if you ask me.

Anyway, even though it's not working out, I'd still have to hold on to this little hope that says that everything will be fine. Yet I still want to cry. I never knew that this can be so much painful. I am so tired of pain.

Good thing that things at school are okay. More than okay, actually. I'm loving my grades. My exam in Math's a blessing. I got a 90%. Imagine that? Whew. And Sir Reymer already announced our grade in the card and good thing my grade (88) retained. Most of my classmates were devastated by the result. I call these the "other" side of the blessings. :)

I really promise to make it up to this quarter. I really want to be an awardee cause maybe that's my only hope to finally convince them to stay. I hope so.

November 4 - Our third monthsary.

He gave me Paramore's new album, "Brand New Eyes". It was epic. I really thank him, cause i've been dying to have that. Well atleast God gave me a super nice boyfriend. I couldn't thank the Guy enough for giving me someone like him. It's truly a blessing.

Yet I somehow.. I'm feeling... A little bit guilty? - again.

iono. It feels that way. I'm doing something wrong, yet it feels so much right. :| Argh. Change topic. Mwuahahaha.

Things with my friends are great too, I guess. No major problems, And I still love my friends for always being there. I had this pasa in my left knee cause Kuya Seph closed the door when I was running towards it, and boom... You get the picture na. Nag-collide kami ng pintuan. Ouch.

Whew. That's it. I just wanted to let you know that i'm still alive after a long time of abandoning this blog. I am soooo... what word is that again? melancholic.

Life.. Life is never fair.


-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.

Just thinking of the thought of leaving makes me sick. It's so painful to even think about it. I'm still not ready to be separated with my friends. With everyone here. Sure, Cebu's a nice place, with nice people, and nice stuff... and whatever. I still don't wanna move there. It aches my heart.

Just because things won't turn out their way, doesn't mean I have to suffer, right? Okay.. so i'm being selfish again. I know it's pretty hard to make ends meet now because seriously... things change. But then again, I just want to be with the people I love and that's all. :( Is that too hard to understand? I don't wanna move to Cebu! God damn it.

I'm going to pray hard, every single day of my existence, to pray for this.. To let God know how much love I have for everyone here, and that I don't really wanna move, because i'm still not ready to face a new entity ahead of me.

I'm not good with change, actually. I'm not used to adjusting to a new environment, believe me. I suck most of the time. And I don't want to make myself believe everything's going to be fine when in fact, it's soo damn obvious that i'm slowly losing. And I really don't want that. I've had enough drama lately, and what more could go wrong?

I hate how things are turning out, to be honest.. And I still like to tell myself there's still hope, and that i'm holding on to whatever's there, but no... It's still not the same. I need strength, and wisdom, dear Lord. If you're hearing me now. I know you're the only one who could help me. And I'm asking you this because you know how much i'm hurt, and I know you're the only who could heal this pain I have in my heart.

I wish everything's going to be okay, and I wish things will fall into the right place, at the right time. Hopefully.

-wendy

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.

Haven't blogged for.. like, 2 days in a row? Daaaamn. I'm really, really sorry for being inactive. Just that, I was feeling lazy and stuff. Ya know, because of the weather, I guess.

What's with the weather, you ask?

Really really scary. LOL. Last last night, I woke up at around 3am only to find myself physically wet. And then I checked the window and water was all over it, even on my floor. We woke up and cleaned it up, and yeaah, it was a dark, cold, night. Brown out. Booo.

Electricity went back at around 10am. I was sooo glad, because my freakin' phone wasn't charged and it had no battery the whole time. I checked my messages and found out that we weren't the only ones who had no electricity before that time. Epic. Nyeeh.

When the power went back, I used the computer for quite some time and.. yeah. We watched Paranormal Activity again! We actually watched it last Friday, since we had no classes (And that's just a bummer. I was expecting a lot of things to happen that day, especially since it's the end of the exams week, and now what? We had no classes and we're going to take our exams this Tuesday. Bummer, I know. What about the shortened schedule and stuff? We are supposed to follow the shortened schedule by then because we'll have a practice for the ELA week, and.. Graawr.)

Okay, moving on..

So yeah, we watched Paranormal Activity. The first time I watched it, (last Friday) I was like - O_O what the holy fckin' macaroni?! Because it was really, really creepy. It's not all about ghosts or whatever.. It's about an obsessive demon who wants Katie. (Katie's the name of the lead actress, by the way.) I am such a spoiler. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED. Kuya says it's a lot like Blair Witch Project. I just.. nodded cause I haven't even watched that yet. So who am I to compare? It's not like I'm some kind of a stereotype who pretends she knows everything. Haha. Anyway, yes it was really freaky and scary. Imagine someone dragging you out of the bed, only difference is that.. You don't see that someone. Eeek, Creepy, indeed.

After watching it, I got goosebumps all over. Just like last Friday, and the night of that day, cause we watched it again (addicted much?) And well, I slept before the ending. I was really dozy, and it was raining.. I slept in Kuya's room, with his girlfriend. So he asked me to go and sleep in my room, and I did. And that's where it all started raining really hard, and me being wet and stuff. Ye get the picture pretty clear, right?

Watched MMK last Saturday. It reminded me of The Exorcism of Emily Rose and The Exorcist. It was disgusting and NOT scary at all. Tsss, figures.

I think I'm going to have a pretty good, long weekend. All I do is text people, or surf the net, or watch TV, or eat. I still have something school-related to do, like the project in Filipino. I'll try to start on that later. Hopefully, I won't get lazy again. Lazy ass.

Pretty long? I feel like blogging. I'm feeling guilty of being inactive here just because I made a TUMBLR account. -> alienatedvoodooxxdoll.tumblr.com

Check that out, and follow me. :) I've been thinking of making a Twitter account too and abandoning my multiply account. Geezz, I have lots of networking sites to visit and that's pretty tiring. Facebook, Friendster, Plurk, Wordpress <- Okay, I only visit that if I feel like making new stories, Blogspot <- I really don't want to abandon this, you know? And.. I think I won't. ;), Multiply <- as what i've said, i'll abandon this. Really sorry. Tumblr <- I still don't get it, though. Kinda complicated, but i still have time to learn. Forgive me for being a noob. And... twitter, maybe? ;D

Tumblr's cool, but I'm not really active on that too. More on that later.

I'll see you soon, and Happy November 1! ;)) BOHAHAHAHAH!


-wendy

-- when silence is torn, the night is broken.

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one

--

Slow internet connection. Blame it on Kuya for downloading "Paranormal Activity" in Torrent right now. Ahaaa, he says it's very, very scary and I think imma check it out after the exams. Boo-hoo. :))

Haven't blogged yesterday. My apologies.

The tests we took yesterday were CLVE and ELA. ELA was kindaaa easy. (Yeah right.) But CLVE was.. O_O fuggg it. It's so hard! Even harder than Math. Damn. I heard he's going to follow that "right minus wrong" procedure. Yeaah, whatev. I barely care, since I know I'm going to fail that one BIG TIME.

- I slept until 5pm yesterday, and then reviewed after. The tests we took earlier were Biology and Computer. Biology was kind of okay. Well because I studied really hard and buried myself on my books. Computer was easy too. Nyahaha. The part with the AND, XOR, OR thingy was mind-blowing but that's just okay.

My day went really nice. Talked with Enzo today, and I fixed everything. It feels so great to finally be with him again. It's not like we broke up, right? It's just that.. I really miss him ferreals. And yey! I get to be with him again.

----

I fell asleep awhile ago. Wooo, ang sarap. Haha. And.. yeah. Gotta start reviewing now. Business Math tomorrow! Daaaamn. I really really loathe the subject. I can't understand a thing. And it's quite a paradox because I don't get it, considering the fact that calculator's allowed and that I'm not going to have a hard time solving it, compared to Algebra // Math. But still I find Math easier than Business Math. Arrgh. O_O Haha. Paradoxically speaking, I suppose.

Eek. Kuya's flipping through the channel and came into the tagalized Spongebob Squarepants. Nyeeh. I don't know if I should laugh or not, it seems korni. :) I miss watching Spongebob, by the way.

AP and Filipino tomorrow too. AP's quite hard, but atleast I'll just memorize terms and probably won't encounter numbers so that's a relief. Filipino's okay too. I just don't want to memorize such long terms because it gets my mind mixed up. But I think I can manage. The only thing I'm worrying about is Business Math. Nyaaaaaargh.

I think imma go now. Been thinking of burying my face with my notebooks and books. I'm not going to have any gala tomorrow din siguro. Just rest, maybe. Or maybe we'll get to have a practice for our ELA play after the test, and then Annaflor will provide us food because it was her birthday last October 26. Late celebrations are super loved!

Dad's coming back this weekend. And I'll have my 6500 slide back! Yeeey! I really miss my phone. I like the Harajuku shoes he gave me last Monday too. It's pink, and very cute. I think I'm going to wear it tomorrow. Dad's the best. :)

Oh, and by the way, tell me what ye think about this:



Been thinking of making that one as the main design of my gown for the play. The red one would be the design, and the color of the dress in the right side would be it's color. Wee, what do you think? Would it fit me?



- wendy.

This is my biggest regret so far.

To fall in love with another guy when you're in love and committed. I feel so guilty. I feel so... hopeless. I really really miss Enzo. And that I hope he could forgive me if he reads this. I'm just a girl who couldn't seem to feel contentment. But then I realized, that Enzo's been there when I was down, he was always there and he never fails to make me happy. But why am I still craving for more? I don't deserve him, if you really think about it. That's why i'm asking for forgiveness. Because I know, he'll get hurt.

-- I was right the whole time. This is a big mistake. :(

Anyway, I don't like thinking about it.. Could we move and just talk about tha happenings today?

Second Periodical Test.
- Math and TLE.

Boom. Math part 1 was easy. I'll get mistakes from being careless, I suppose. I still can't be sure, though. Well I hope i'll have a great score. Math part 2 was easyyy (kind of) especially the first part. I had a really severe headache due to the problems at the last part. Crazy Math, how come you have a lot of problems? I bet if you were human, you'd probably commit suicide right now for having so much problems to deal with. Neeh, kidding.

TLE was - O_O
Oh Lord, I don't want to get a failing grade. But now it seems like it. Never really studied well. I focused on Math and TLE was all about memorization and stuff, and I can't assure you that i'm good at that, it's just that I thought it'll be really easy. But damn, it wasn't really what I was expecting it to be.

"Ang hirap naman nito, Uwi na nga akong Davao." - Wilson.

After the test, I waited for my service only to find out that they left me. Daaang. So I just escaped from the distinct eyes of our school guards and went home with Caryl, Rk, Johnly and Jen Riel. We were supposed to take the tricycle but I figured that it would be more fun if we'll walk and feel the heat that's been going on in the Philippines. To my surprise, it was really, really HOT. Maan.

I felt tired while walking, and they were making fun of me. Daaamn it. It was fun.. Until I received this text message from *toot* saying stuff about.. Ugh. Something. Argh. Can I be a little honest? I'm actually feeling guilty right now, because I've reciprocated to what he was showing me. It was obvious from the start that what we had wasn't really serious yet I can't seem to stop myself from falling. And yes, I did. Now I won't confuse myself. Because I know.. That what was going on between us, is just a pretty little fairytale I've always wished on dreaming.

Enough about the drama. I've dealt about too much drama lately and I guess that's enough for me to think about my priorities and set aside my options.

I really really miss Enzo. And I really want him back. :(

----

Gotta go study. ELA and CLVE tomorrow. Wish me luck. Fingers crossed.


-wendy.